My Head Is Thor

Review: Thor:

I know, I’m late to the party again. But now that I’ve seen it, I’m glad I waited for the DVD to see this movie.

I’ll say off the bat that I am a big Norse mythology buff, and coming into the movie, I already had low expectations based on the fact that I knew it would never live up to the greatness of its source material.

Oddly enough, though, the mistakes with the mythology — such as the way they seemed to confuse Jotunheim with Niffleheim — didn’t bother me all that much. In fact, I rather liked the sci-fi explanations they gave to the Norse myths. Most of the gods’ portrayals felt right to me, if a little rough around the edges at times, and re-imagining the Rainbow Bridge as a wormhole was quite clever.

In  fact, I thoroughly enjoyed the first twenty minutes or so of the movie that were set purely in Asgard and Jotunheim.

And then the rest of the movie happened.

What follows is a spree of cliche “fish out of water” silliness that I’ve only seen in every sci-fi or fantasy crossover story ever. Even this I could have lived with, as Chris Hemsworth, who plays Thor, is quite charismatic and does an adequate if not stellar job in his role — not that it was a challenging part in any way.

But the movie just keeps spiraling downward. Going in, I at least expected a fun action movie, if not a smart one, but it didn’t even deliver there. The action sequences in this film were few, short, uninspired, and generally uninteresting. Chris Hemsworth, while likable, was not enough to carry the movie as a character piece, so it needed the action to hold the viewer’s attention, but it didn’t work as an action movie, either.

I also have to take issue with Thor’s love interest, a scientist played by Natalie Portman.

Now, I like Natalie Portman. I’ve seen her in other things, and I think she’s a very talented actress. Which leads me to wonder what the Hel* happened.

*(Mythology nerds will see what I did there.)

As should be obvious by now, I was not overly impressed with Thor as a movie, and Natalie Portman’s character was easily the most irritating part of it for me. She spends the entirety of the movie doing nothing but gush over Thor like a thirteen year-old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. I just wanted to punch her.

Perhaps the most important of my objections to this movie, though, is the fact that it simply didn’t make any sense. I try to avoid spoilers in my reviews, so I won’t get into specifics, but there are plot holes in the ending that I could drive a bus through.

I will say one good thing about Thor, though. I thought that Tom Hiddleston was very good as Loki. In fact, he was too good.

Despite all his sleaziness, selfishness, and pettiness, I ultimately found Loki to be the most likable character in this movie. In fact, due to some of those plot holes I mentioned above, I spent the film’s climactic fight scene hoping Loki would win. Considering Loki was supposed to be the villain, I really don’t think that’s “working as intended,” as we gamers would say.

Overall rating: 4.7/10 Thor has some very good parts, but they are few and far between.

(PS: I did not come up with the title of the review. I wish I had, but I didn’t.)

New article:

WhatMMO has posted another of my articles, Most Famous WoW Players. You can probably guess who made it to number one, but if you need a hint, he has chicken, and he will be your pal for life.

Catching Up: Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Attack the Block

I took a few days off blogging for the holidays, but now I’m back, and I’ve got some catching up to do. I had a mini-movie marathon over Christmas, so for today, I’ve got some reviews to bring you. Both movies are available on my Amazon Affiliate.

In a few days, I’ll bring you up to date on the latest developments related to my writing and my adventures in World of Warcraft, including a major change for one half of my characters.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes:

Half prequel and half reboot, Rise of the Planet of the Apes takes place in the very near future and shows us the beginnings of the super intelligent apes that will one day overthrow humanity to rule the world.

The story follows a scientist, played by James Franco, attempting to cure Alzheimer’s with a new virus-carried gene therapy. Of course, he tests it on chimpanzees, and in one young chimp — played by Andy Serkis, AKA Gollum in the Lord of the Rings films — he discovers that the virus also has the potential to not only restore brain function, but to radically enhance it.

He raises this chimp, named Caesar, almost like a son, and Caesar becomes the movie’s other main character, as he grows increasingly intelligent and learns more about the world of humans — not all of it good.

It’s an interesting story, but it does have problems. Much of the movie feels rushed and underdeveloped, especially where the human characters are concerned.

For example, much of the motivation for James Franco’s character comes from the fact that his father (John Lithgow) suffers from severe Alzheimer’s, but we never really see the illness take its toll on him. We get a few shots of him looking confused and some talk of how he’s slipping away, but that’s pretty much it. The whole plot falls flat.

Likewise, the protagonist also has a love interest, but there’s no real development in that plot. She shows up, and then they’re together, and she adds nothing to the story.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes does do an admirable job of making the rise of intelligent apes seem real and believable, especially compared to how cheesy the original films were, but there are still some implausible parts, mostly revolving around how mindbogglingly incompetent the pharmaceutical company producing the super brain bug is.

What really makes the movie worth watching, though, are the apes, and Caesar in particular. I didn’t think a computer-generated chimp played by an actor with dots on his face frowning into a camera could put on an impressive performance, but I was wrong. Caesar absolutely steals every scene he’s in.

What’s really impressive about the apes in this movie is how well they’re able to communicate to the viewer. Obviously, apes don’t really speak, but the scenes between the apes are just as easy to process as a scene of humans talking. So much is communicated with just simple gestures and expressions, and the apes actually end up feeling like more complete people than most of the humans.

Overall rating: 7.5/10 A good movie, but not a great movie.

Attack the Block:

One part Alien, one part Shaun of the Dead, and one part Trailer Park Boys, Attack the Block is a bizarre British action/comedy/horror, and one of the most entertaining movies I’ve seen in a long time.

It’s a simple story. An alien monster crash lands in one of the worst neighbourhoods in London, and a bunch of hoodlums decide to kill it for ****s and giggles. Then the alien’s friends show up.

So the hoods end up running all over their apartment complex, called the Block, first trying to kill the aliens and then trying not to be killed by the aliens, all the while also evading an irate drug dealer and the police. They also repeatedly cross paths with a woman they mugged earlier in the night, who ends up getting mixed up in the shenanigans, too.

The whole thing is ridiculously awesome and awesomely ridiculous.

This is one of those infinitely quotable movies, and I’ll probably spend the next few weeks laughing at some of the lines.

“We should go to Ron’s weed room!”

“What’s Ron’s weed room?”

“It’s a big room, full of weed. And it’s Ron’s.”

But like all truly great comedies, there’s more to Attack the Block than just laughs. The movie has heart, and while the kids may seem thoroughly unlikable at first, I found myself loving every one of them by the end of the movie.

There’s really only one reason not to see this movie that I can think of, and that’s if you’re easily put off by blood or foul language. There’s some pretty gory stuff in Attack the Block, and the exchange I quoted above is probably the longest bit of dialogue without an F-bomb in the whole movie.

But if you’re okay with some graphic violence and salty language, I highly recommend this movie.

Overall rating: 9.1/10